What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The best revenge is premature balding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
