I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
