I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
