dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
