I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.