God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.