omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.