the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs