I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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