sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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