I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
