i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
