OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
