he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
