Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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