I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
