If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
