Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
