i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola