I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again