you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
