i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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