He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
