He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All the doctor said was why
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
