My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
