Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
