apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
