We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
