Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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