I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
