Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
