I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
