mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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