So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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