Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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