That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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