I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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