ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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