He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
