my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
