I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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