you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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