Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
