i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
