Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
