hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
