in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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