I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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