break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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