I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
