I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
