For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
