i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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