How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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