He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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