and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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