Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
