i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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