How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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