I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
