just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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