You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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