i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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