Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
