dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
