there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
