Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
