between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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