Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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