Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
