yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
